all day everyday

This is what we do pretty much all day, everyday. It is really wonderful. There is something about watching my kids play gleefully outside that makes me feel good... deep down. Good for the soul, I tell ya!

strange packages of hope :)

Within the span of 24 hours this past weekend, Parker made some big leaps and was able to make me feel like I might be doing something right every now and then! First he asked for a chicken nugget and then ate it. This is just huge...because he hasn't eaten a chicken nugget in almost 2 years. It is embarrassing, but I almost cried. The next morning, he asked if he could poop on the potty and then sat up there on the throne like he's been doing it for years!

If someone would have told me three years ago that I'd be posting this type of thing on the web, I would have been mortified. But...here I am. I'm not ashamed to admit that little victories like this make me feel like I could do anything. Little glimpses of hope can come in very strange packages:)

who did that?

So I have one question...who in the world invented the whole time change idea?! Why do we have to have standard time and daylight savings time? Blah! Whoever they were must not have had children. Don't they know that this messes up everything? My kids wake up pretty early, around 6 am. Occasionally they wake up at a quarter till six. This is okay with me most of the time because once we hit the fives, it is officially doable for me. HOWEVER, since the time change, we've had two mornings of 4:45 am!!! Not good. Not good at all. Yes, I believe waking up in the fours is ungodly....sorry dad:)

I'm sure that my kids will adjust fairly soon, but until then...I'm going to vent my anger toward that inventor! Or maybe I could just choose a better attitude? :)

mama joys

Being a mama is so fun. So fun! Now, I'm not saying it isn't work--it is the hardest work, but there are some really great perks. Check these out...

These are Parker's new shoes I just bought for him at Nordstrom Rack! Aren't they snazzy? I love to dress my kids! I know that it isn't that important in the grand scheme of things, but we've got to have a little fun, don't we?!


This picture was taken in between flops. The action shot probably wouldn't be blog appropriate:)

And speaking of fun...I wish I could post an awesome picture I took of Parker practicing his belly-flop in the bath tub tonight! It was so hilarious! He decided to do a sort of hand stand with his feet on the back wall...then he'd push off with his feet, land on his belly and send water everywhere. It was so cool! I know, it probably wasn't the safest activity, but it was supervised and I couldn't stop laughing in time to intervene. Oh, the mama joys...

rest

Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.

~Ashleigh Brilliant

I was talking with a family member the other day about how we agree whole-heartedly with this quote. I think this Ashleigh Brilliant person is, indeed, brilliant. I'm still sick, and unless I stay fairly loaded up with ibuprofen or Tylenol, I feel constant muscle aches. So I'm just exhausted and achey.

I was so tired after lunch today that I desperately tried to get both boys to bed early so I could rest. I never nap during the day because, as you know, there is just too much to get done. But it was one of those times when I could barely get the words out straight as I was tucking Parker in...I was that tired. I left the disaster in the house for later--food smeared over the floor and all- and hit the sack. For Two Hours!!! I was so giddy when I woke up, I didn't even care much that my body ached. I had just take a two hour nap during the day....and best of all, the boys were still sleeping! It was glorious. I highly recommend the adult nap in the middle of the day--we all need a little rest and refreshing once in a while. However, it is now 7 pm and I'm ready for bed again...

anxiety

So I wasn't lying when I said in my last post that I had a good, busy week. It is true...but in that last post, I was trying to reflect and be thankful for the very lovely parts of my week instead of all of the anxiety going on in my head. I think I've always struggled with anxiety and some periods of time are better than others. In the last couple of weeks, I have been overwhelmed by anxiety. So overwhelmed. The strange thing is that I don't even know what I'm worrying about. Life is actually so good right now and it makes me mad that I'm anxious over nothing. But it feels like everything. I've even felt anxious about writing this post for fear of making this sound better or worse than it actually is. I'm feeling well today, but yesterday was very bad and I felt like a big, fat failure. I don't have a pretty picture to present to you and I can't tell you a happy ending to this story...yet. But this is what I know: God is working on this heart of mine...and I have been promised that He will restore my soul.

I'm finally writing this post because I was encouraged by a couple of women today. They happen to be sisters, but one lives in another part of the country and another lives here. I really look up to both of them. They are both smart and funny, very cool, amazing mothers and best of all, they don't even pretend to have it all together. I ran into the older sister in the Target parking lot. We literally talked for a couple of minutes, but in that time we shared some of our similar feelings about our place in life at the moment. And just by my friend sharing her struggles, I was so encouraged because I was reminded that I'm not the only one here. I climbed into my car feeling like my heart was so much lighter. And then, I just sat down here at my computer to find an email from the younger sister that made my heart jump again. Basically, she related to some of my blog posts, wrote some really sweet things... her encouraging words were the exact words I needed to hear. Whenever I am around these two women, I go away feeling refreshed because they are so darn honest and humble and make me want keep trudging forward. Thank you both so much.

I feel good today. Hmmm...maybe it was that Target run? Or maybe the home fragrance I just bought at Bath & Body Works? Pumpkin Spice...so great! Maybe a little...but today I needed to relate to women and I did. I still feel some anxiety about posting things about my anxiety:) I wish that I had it all together, but I don't and I don't want to pretend. I want to encourage people in my life and I'm learning that the only way I can do that is by being honest. So, there you have it! Someday, I might be able to write a happy ending!

A third child?

I feel ridiculous just writing that title! Nope, I'm not pregnant...not even thinking about it. Actually, it is just the opposite. Soon after Parker was born, I really wanted to have another one right away. Thank God we had a bit of sanity left and waited until Parker was over a year old! This time, however, I feel so different. We would really like a third child and, in my heart, I really believe that I will be pregnant again. But when the thought of being pregnant again and having a newborn comes up, I have no desire to go down that road anytime soon. I really love having two boys. Parker has transitioned fairly well and Griffin is pretty much a dream baby so I really don't think it has anything to do with how hard this gig is (which, I admit, is very challenging at times).

As I imagine the few years ahead, I am just so excited to be able to give my two boys all of me when they need me most. They are both so young and needy and I want to be able to really enjoy these years before they are both in school. I spent a lot of this past year feeling a bit guilty about not being able to give Parker everything he needs in a mama because I was sick and tired. I look forward to all of the activities we are going to be able to do and to be able to live life as a family of four! We will never get these years back and they are oh, so special!

The goal right now is to wait until Parker is in school before we have another baby. I get a huge smile on my face as I write that. I just feel so good about being able to put my whole self into learning how to be the best mama to just Parker and Griffin. I love that we're not looking ahead to the next big thing and trying to enjoy what God's given us right now...this is not something I'm typically great at. However, I know that these are just goals right now and that God changes hearts in big ways all of the time...and I look forward to seeing what He has for us. Right now, though...it is just the four of us and I'm a happy mama:)

p.s. the picture has no significance. It is a Norman Rockwell and I just liked it. So there:)

I had to share...

Griffin's eyes are open and, oh my goodness, does he look like his Daddy, or what?! I just had to share these pictures of my newest love. He has officially awakened from his slumber. Oh my! I would still consider him a pretty easy baby and he still sleeps quite a bit....but seriously, this guy really just needs to learn how to pass some gas or something! Mr. Lazy Bones has become Mr. Grumpy Pants:)

I'm learning that my kiddos sure don't care if I'm sick or not...and I think this is sort of sucky. Where is the sympathy? Since Griffin was born, I've just not be well at all. Of course, I was recovering from surgery and then I had that stomach bug...and then just as I was getting over that one, we all came down with a cold that turned into bronchitis. These are things that I really didn't factor in as I was preparing for this time. I've been discouraged because just when I think I'm going to feel up to going out and participating in the world again, I start to feel horrible. And now, at this very moment, Parker is refusing to take his nap and Griffin is screaming in gas pain! Come on boys, mama needs some down time!

he has turned me into a softy...

I've totally become a softy. It really is quite pathetic because I used to laugh at people like this. I really thought that when the second baby came along that I would be as laid back as when Parker was a baby. Parker exercised the whole nine months inside of me so he came out really strong and ready to take on the world. I never treated him like he was fragile and was rarely concerned about the little things that you often hear of first time moms fretting about. As I've mentioned numerous times before, Griffin barely moved for nine months and is continuing that practice out in the real world. He is certainly healthy, but he seems so much smaller and fragile than Parker ever was. He just loves to snuggle and to be held...and hates to be cold. Here are a few of the things that I cannot believe I've been doing as a 2nd time mama:

• I have found myself turning on a space heater in the bedroom so he doesn't get cold when I dress him.
• I also use a humidifier in the room because I don't want his small nasal passages to become plugged.
  
• Sometimes I feel like I'm going to hurt him when I pick him up because he seems so delicate...I always tell him that I'm sorry:)
• I refused to touch or even look at his circumcision and belly button until they were healed....Daddy's duty!
  
• He fell asleep in bed with me last night because I thought he was lonely...ugh!
• I've bought three different brands of diapers to try and find the one that doesn't cause irritation.
• I actually use baby detergent this time!
• I use chapstick on his lips and a file for his fingernails.
• I use tons of hand sanitizer.
• I left the room for the PKU heel prick because I couldn't handle it.
  

Oh, and there are so many more absurd things that I do...I could go on and on! What is it with me? What have I become? Parker was supposed to be the one I did this with...aren't I doing all of this a little out of order? I guess I can't blame it on just being "pregnant & crazy" anymore! I don't know...but I do know I need to settle down a bit:)