As I was driving into town this morning, I was trying to explain to my mom why I was still calming down from getting the kids ready for the day. I know it is so normal...but getting out the door in the morning is one of the most exasperating times of the day. And then there is dinner time. Which is just awesome. You know what I mean, right? Yeah. But here is a little snippet from my morning which took place over about 10 minutes:

8:50 a.m. 
Me: Parker, get out of the shower!!!
Put your clothes on!!! We have to leave in ten minutes
P: Mom, where is my Halloween costume? 
Me: I have no clue. Wherever you left it. But put your clothes on! And brush your teeth. And put your eczema lotion on.
P: Mom, but I need my costume! 
Me: Parker, I will look for your costume, but please put your dang clothes on...and your lotion and brush your teeth!!!!!

Meanwhile, I text my neighbor to tell her I can't drive the boys to the bus. I try to find a matching sock for myself and a ponytail holder so I can shove my wet hair up on my head. Hollyn is running around half naked with snot absolutely everywhere and crying for a hug. Griffin is asking why he needs to find his sweatshirt. I explain we're going to bible study and he just needs to listen without questions. My sweet neighbor then texts  me to tell me she can take the boys to school. Griffin tells me his shoes are broken. 

I find Parker playing Pokemon. No costume. No pants on. No eczema meds yet. But he HAS brushed his teeth. 
I go nutso mom on him. I think I get his attention. He finds pants and I put his meds on while he thinks about his costume and what he is going to do without a costume on Halloween. And he's supposed to leave in 2 minutes. 

I look everywhere for the costume. Finally I find it in his closet in a plastic bag on a hook. Exactly where it is supposed to be. Of course. Stuff costume in backpack. Quick hug to Parker. Send him off to my angel neighbor who takes him to school. 

Hollyn is still running around even more naked than before and asking to pee on the potty. I have no time for this. Griffin is MIA and whithout shoes. I find a clean-ish shirt for Hollyn and I find myself thankful that she wore socks to bed so no need to find any of those. I dress Hollyn as she is still asking about the potty and I continue to ignore her. Because Griffin returns from who knows where with his hands full of something.

Me: Griff, get your sweatshirt on and where are your shoes?!
G: Mom, my shoes are broken and why do I need a sweatshirt and look what I found?!!!!
(he then proceeds to open up a handful of worms. Real worms. And some were moving. Others were red like blood)
Me: Ohmygosh! Where are those from? 
G: The driveway. Can they be my pets?
Me: Are you serious? Why were you in the driveway? Ummmm....no they can be your outside pets. Put them back. And find your sweatshirt and shoes. And, Griff...wash your hands. With Soap!!!
G: Mom, why do I need my sweatshirt?
Me: We are trying to leave!
G: We are? 

The rest of the two minutes or so at home are a blur as I throw shoes at Griffin and ask him to brush his teeth again....blah, blah, blah. Try to find shoes for myself. My boots will have to do. I start the car and then realize I forgot my bible study book. Get back in the car and finally I'm on my way to bible study. This is when I decided to call my mom. Poor mom. She gets an earful. And she is the one stuck on the east coast enduring all of the Sandy events! Woe is me? Hmmmm....

As I go back and read all of this, it doesn't even sound that bad. It wasn't even that horrible, but actually very typical. But in the moment, I always feel like a maniac. I always have to apologize to my kids for being crazy.  I hope they remember the sane parts of me more than the crazy. Someone, please relate to me on this one...anyone?


fun. run.

A couple years ago, a friend asked me what I did for fun. I was stumped. I think I said something about watching movies and trying to keep in touch with friends...maybe working out? I'm not positive, but I do know that I thought about that question for quite some time and realized I really couldn't come up with anything actually fun that I did myself. Like hobbies. I literally remember thinking it would be fun to have clean counters and dinner made before the screaming started. Or maybe it would be fun to get a workout in before the baby needed to be fed. I had started going to book club but rarely was able to finish the book before the next meeting.

Of course hindsight is 20/20 and while life was actually very crazy/fun with three little ones, I now realize that I was just in survival mode and that is was totally acceptable to think a freshly swept floor was a reason to celebrate. And I will tell you that it was worth every second of it...and it still is. Really, I'm not complaining. Motherhood is a sacrifice, but it is such an honor and satisfying in so many ways. But it is exhausting and depletes time and energy, leaving not much left for fun for mom . I'm still there, but like I said, I am slowly emerging from this fog and I'm starting to feel glimpses of  "fun for Amy" come back. Like running.

A year ago, this week, I bought a treadmill on Cragslist. I started the Couch to 5K program and got through the horrible, "I think I'm going to die" feelings of starting out. I had attempted to run before but had convinced myself that I couldn't do it. I don't feel like I'm a natural athlete. I mean, really, my major "sport" growing up was horseback riding :). This time, however, I kept going and didn't quit. And my dear friend, Amy convinced me to run a 10 K with her in the spring and then Bloomsday (12 K) a few weeks after that. Last week, we ran another 10 K.

And now, a year later...totally hooked. I am not fast and I'm not extreme by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I'm not sure of the difference between jogging and running, but I'm choosing to use "run"...because I like the sound of it. But I now look forward to my runs! Really. It is my time to think and process...and push my body just a little bit. When the weather is nice, I get my workout in and my dose of vitamin D, not to mention the pleasure of being outside in Creation.  

Now if someone were to ask me what I do for fun, I would be able to give a few more examples...like running AND being able to finish an entire book in one month. We're making progress.


coming back

There was a time when this blog was a huge part of my life. I posted a ton, documented most of our family events and even shared parts of my heart. Blogging was such an outlet to the outside world as I transitioned into full time motherhood. It all started when we had recently moved back into the area and were new homeowners. We were new parents. We didn't have many friends yet. We were just starting out. And yes, I had many, many more online friends than I had "real life" friends. Some great online friends became dear real life friends in the process. And they're keepers. Really, blogging was a lifesaver for me.

Things are different now. We have three kids...that baby that was published on this blog more than necessary is now 7 1/2! I'm no longer a newbie. We've moved to a new neighborhood. Joel has been at his job for a while and, most importantly, we have-- a network of our people. We are no longer on the outside looking into this community, but we're plugged in and so happy to be here.

Lately I've been feeling the need to write on here. I no longer feel the need to be really involved in the blogging community, but I just want to express some of the things going on in my head. As I (slowly) emerge from the fog of babies and toddlers and into the very different stage of parenting school-aged children, I feel the seriousness of this time of life often overwhelming. It is a different kind of hard. I need to process...not let these thoughts just swim in my head or let them explode on the first adult I happen to be with. I hope this place can be an outlet for me, once again.

I also want to document this good life of ours. I love looking back on our early years and seeing the kids grow up in pictures! I hate that I've had such a gap, but I'm serious about getting back on track. So, hello world, I'm back to blogging. Hopefully.

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