9.08.2007

anxiety


So I wasn't lying when I said in my last post that I had a good, busy week. It is true...but in that last post, I was trying to reflect and be thankful for the very lovely parts of my week instead of all of the anxiety going on in my head. I think I've always struggled with anxiety and some periods of time are better than others. In the last couple of weeks, I have been overwhelmed by anxiety. So overwhelmed. The strange thing is that I don't even know what I'm worrying about. Life is actually so good right now and it makes me mad that I'm anxious over nothing. But it feels like everything. I've even felt anxious about writing this post for fear of making this sound better or worse than it actually is. I'm feeling well today, but yesterday was very bad and I felt like a big, fat failure. I don't have a pretty picture to present to you and I can't tell you a happy ending to this story...yet. But this is what I know: God is working on this heart of mine...and I have been promised that He will restore my soul.

I'm finally writing this post because I was encouraged by a couple of women today. They happen to be sisters, but one lives in another part of the country and another lives here. I really look up to both of them. They are both smart and funny, very cool, amazing mothers and best of all, they don't even pretend to have it all together. I ran into the older sister in the Target parking lot. We literally talked for a couple of minutes, but in that time we shared some of our similar feelings about our place in life at the moment. And just by my friend sharing her struggles, I was so encouraged because I was reminded that I'm not the only one here. I climbed into my car feeling like my heart was so much lighter. And then, I just sat down here at my computer to find an email from the younger sister that made my heart jump again. Basically, she related to some of my blog posts, wrote some really sweet things... her encouraging words were the exact words I needed to hear. Whenever I am around these two women, I go away feeling refreshed because they are so darn honest and humble and make me want keep trudging forward. Thank you both so much.

I feel good today. Hmmm...maybe it was that Target run? Or maybe the home fragrance I just bought at Bath & Body Works? Pumpkin Spice...so great! Maybe a little...but today I needed to relate to women and I did. I still feel some anxiety about posting things about my anxiety:) I wish that I had it all together, but I don't and I don't want to pretend. I want to encourage people in my life and I'm learning that the only way I can do that is by being honest. So, there you have it! Someday, I might be able to write a happy ending!

8 comments:

Rebecca said...

Hi Amy, You don't know me, I mean we might've met before but it was long ago before you moved. I think it was Brandi's baby shower or something like that. My husband Chad and I went to Emmanuel years ago (and were married there). We both visited a few Sundays ago and Sharon Throness (who is like a mom to me) pointed you out saying "You two would get along great." But it was too busy with 5 kids to make it over to say hi.

Anyway, I checked out your journal though Aleah's. I had to thank you for your honest entry. I have had the WORST few days of my life!!! Including some anxiety about my biggest fear: being a failure as a mother. I've had my boys be less than kind to one antoher recently and it's broken my heart. I wrote of some parts of my bad couple of days but am trying to not be so negative as I'm usually such an upbeat person it's rediculous. I just started blogging and I am NOT good at it and probably won't continue but I love reading that other's don't have it as together as most of us think! Like you, my heart is His and I know He is sovereign and allows us to feel things like frustration and dissapointment and He uses them to grow our character. But in the moment is really sucks doesn't it!? Anyway, keep up the good entries, I appreciate them. :o)
~Becca

Carrie said...

Very timely post. It is such a huge responsibility to be a parent - something that scares the pants off me sometimes. (see recent post) Having a 2 1/2 year old in the house has me bouncing off the ceiling with joy and wallowing in my coffee at other times. Ever since I started reading your blog, I've felt your honesty coming through loud and clear. I probably focus on the happy things more often on my blog only because I can't put into words the feelings of anxiety I feel without coming off as whiny and ungrateful. You on the other hand are able to articulate your heart and soul in a way that lets Christ's light shine through you. I can see God working in you just by your words.
Blessings to you from MN!

Aleah said...

That's why I always say, "I may appear calm on the outside but what's in my head is far from!
I like to trick my children so they think I'm in charge that way ; )
Anyway, I've felt this feeling also and about nothing (or it builds up and releases when nothing is going on). Sometimes it hits me after I've been someplace and am in the car dizzy, sweating, hard to take a deep breath. Sounds like a stroke! I think it's pretty common with Mom's of young kids to feel this way????
Thanks for telling about how you're doing! Thank goodness we have a God to go to for calm and help!
Take care and give me a call sometime!

Love, Aleah

Kristen said...

I miss you guys and it's only been a week! I think I'll be home in a few weeks! Talk to you soon!

Amy D said...

Hi Amy - I've stopped by your blog once before, but today's post really spoke to me. How in the world can we feel so overwhelmed and anxious when things look so good!? :) I too recently (as in 2 days ago!!) had a couple of days where I felt like a big failure. Thanks for the encouragement...even if it's just to know I'm not the only one there sometimes. :)
From one Amy-mom of 2 boys to another!

Elise said...

All things *autumn* make things better, I agree. :)

Take heart! Speak words of truth - Psalm 103 ministered to me this morning, and I pass it to you, along with a hug. (((Amy)))

Stacey said...

Oh Ames!!! Loving on you from afar! You don't have to pretend here. Think of us as a Mama's small group online!! There are others who may read what you have to say that don't accept you for who you are, but that is not "us" - and you know who I am talking about. Your circle of fellow Christian Mamas who are in passionate love with Christ, and our husbands and our vocations as Mamas! We are here to pray for you and support you. We love you!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Jennifer said...

Oh Amy, yes, I can completely relate to this post. Anxiety can overwhelm me, to the point that I'd rather sleep than face what's making me anxious!! =( I love that you have friends that have come alongside you to give you encouragement and insight. Please know that you're not alone... We all deal with this, in one form or another!

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