Me: Parker, get out of the shower!!!
Put your clothes on!!! We have to leave in ten minutes
P: Mom, where is my Halloween costume?
Me: I have no clue. Wherever you left it. But put your clothes on! And brush your teeth. And put your eczema lotion on.
P: Mom, but I need my costume!
Me: Parker, I will look for your costume, but please put your dang clothes on...and your lotion and brush your teeth!!!!!
Meanwhile, I text my neighbor to tell her I can't drive the boys to the bus. I try to find a matching sock for myself and a ponytail holder so I can shove my wet hair up on my head. Hollyn is running around half naked with snot absolutely everywhere and crying for a hug. Griffin is asking why he needs to find his sweatshirt. I explain we're going to bible study and he just needs to listen without questions. My sweet neighbor then texts me to tell me she can take the boys to school. Griffin tells me his shoes are broken.
I find Parker playing Pokemon. No costume. No pants on. No eczema meds yet. But he HAS brushed his teeth.
I go nutso mom on him. I think I get his attention. He finds pants and I put his meds on while he thinks about his costume and what he is going to do without a costume on Halloween. And he's supposed to leave in 2 minutes.
I look everywhere for the costume. Finally I find it in his closet in a plastic bag on a hook. Exactly where it is supposed to be. Of course. Stuff costume in backpack. Quick hug to Parker. Send him off to my angel neighbor who takes him to school.
Hollyn is still running around even more naked than before and asking to pee on the potty. I have no time for this. Griffin is MIA and whithout shoes. I find a clean-ish shirt for Hollyn and I find myself thankful that she wore socks to bed so no need to find any of those. I dress Hollyn as she is still asking about the potty and I continue to ignore her. Because Griffin returns from who knows where with his hands full of something.
Me: Griff, get your sweatshirt on and where are your shoes?!
G: Mom, my shoes are broken and why do I need a sweatshirt and look what I found?!!!!
(he then proceeds to open up a handful of worms. Real worms. And some were moving. Others were red like blood)
Me: Ohmygosh! Where are those from?
G: The driveway. Can they be my pets?
Me: Are you serious? Why were you in the driveway? Ummmm....no they can be your outside pets. Put them back. And find your sweatshirt and shoes. And, Griff...wash your hands. With Soap!!!
G: Mom, why do I need my sweatshirt?
Me: We are trying to leave!
G: We are?
The rest of the two minutes or so at home are a blur as I throw shoes at Griffin and ask him to brush his teeth again....blah, blah, blah. Try to find shoes for myself. My boots will have to do. I start the car and then realize I forgot my bible study book. Get back in the car and finally I'm on my way to bible study. This is when I decided to call my mom. Poor mom. She gets an earful. And she is the one stuck on the east coast enduring all of the Sandy events! Woe is me? Hmmmm....
As I go back and read all of this, it doesn't even sound that bad. It wasn't even that horrible, but actually very typical. But in the moment, I always feel like a maniac. I always have to apologize to my kids for being crazy. I hope they remember the sane parts of me more than the crazy. Someone, please relate to me on this one...anyone?