I'm Sorry

I knew the day was coming--when the seriousness of parenting would take over. Yesterday was the day for me! It has been creeping up and building over time, but yesterday it really sank in. It begins!

We were sitting down for lunch, getting ready to read a book and I remembered that I needed to apologize to Parker for something that had happened earlier in the morning. I *knew* he wouldn't remember and he may not even fully understand what I was talking about, but I also knew that it had to be done. I can't even remember exactly what happened in the morning, but I do know that I lost my cool and probably was very short with Parker. I showed anger because I lost control of the situation. A situation in which Parker was probably just being a typical two year old. So this is how our conversation went...

"Parker, Mama is very sorry that I got mad at you this morning."

Blank stare.

"Parker, I am sorry that I was mean to you. I don't want to ever be mean to you. Do you forgive me?"

Vigorous nodding of the head and then..

"Parker sad."

Oh, dear. He not only remembered what happened, but he remembered how he felt and that broke my heart. In his words, he told me that I hurt his feelings. How could I, one who loves him so much, choose to hurt him?

I know that I can't be perfect and I will make mistakes every single day--which irritates me--but this isn't what surprised me. It was the fact that Parker has arrived at the age where serious parenting begins. I remember events from the age of two and I assume that he could too. This is only slightly terrifying. In the upcoming years, Parker will begin to remember everything--good and bad. He will be listening and watching very closely. And all of these little events and conversations will make up part of who he is and how he feels about himself. Not to mention the fact that he will be hurt by other people, as well...

The past two years have been packed full of issues and decisions that really seemed big at the time...you know, sleep schedules, breastfeeding, acid reflux, baby food, toys, car seats, strollers, entertainment, etc. Baby stuff, really. We've even had to deal with a bit of discipline and redirecting. Just normal stuff, but it can seem all-consuming sometimes when it is your first time raising a little human. But now that we're getting to the point that the decisions we make have a bigger impact, all of those baby things seem like just that--baby stuff. Not really that important when it comes to the big scheme of things...eternal things.

Parker and I had a good morning together, enjoying some non-serious mother-son time:) Taking some advice from Aleah, I let him prance around the backyard in his birthday suit for a few hours to practice peeing. He hit the target a few times and earned himself some candy. Very proud Mama. While I'd love for him to be potty trained this summer, it really doesn't matter all that much. Years down the road, it isn't going to matter how old he is when he learns to sit on the pot. I really don't need the bragging rights. But it is going to matter how I speak to him, listen to him, love on him and show him he's loved even more by our Heavenly Father.

And by the way, Parker did forgive me. Now, I won't go through the rest of the conversation, but I will tell you that he gave me kisses...because that is what he gets when he apologizes. Sweet boy!