My thoughts on being "done" having children.

I am giving myself 5 minutes to write about this subject. Partly because it is complicated and I think I could just confuse myself if I write too long.

Since Hollyn was born, we've been asked numerous times if we are done having children. Totally valid question. But the question itself is kind of too much for me. Maybe it is the wrong question? I get it, though. I ask myself all the time. Here is my answer!

I've been waiting for the feeling to come...the one some people talk about. But I am not getting it! However, technically, we are DONE because my husband has that feeling and you know, it takes two to tango. I really don't want any more children but I also feel weird about closing that door permanently when I am still only 30.

I have told so many people that I have zero desire to be pregnant again. Zilch. My body is done. Three c-sections within five years and my body is just screaming for a break.

I have prayed for God to give my that magic feeling of "done-ness". Nope. You know what I'm getting instead? Not what you'd expect...but an even more intense feeling of pouring into the children I DO HAVE. And I mean intense. God's answers are so creative. Love that.

I don't really think we'll ever decide to have another child. Three feels good and honestly, I am at my limit. I don't think I have any more to give. The quality of my mothering would go down the tubes. My children deserve more of me than that. But here is the thing, I also don't think I'm ever going to feel the magic feeling of being done. I think it has something to do with faith. Something to do with trusting God in the now and trusting that He knows the future...but I don't. And I don't want to.

So my answer is this: We have three children and we're so happy with that number. We have zero plans to add to our family but I also don't have any magic feelings of completion. The end. :)


Aleah said...

We're done ...if you didn't already know ;)
I didn't get that feeling of DONE until Ella hit 5 last fall. Something about being in a whole new phase/stage of life and praying my heart out that God would take the feelings of wanting more away.
It feels good to feel content now. I'm glad you guys feel it also!
Still need to see your third sometime. : )

carly said...

great post amy.:) i also pray that i will "know" when i am done. and, it is good to hear, that i might not have that "magic feeling" even after another one. thanks for sharing. :)

Kelsey said...

I love you and the way you think and the way you express yourself. If I haven't told you before, I am so proud to have a front row seat to you being a mama. It is a joy and a pleasure to watch you love so deeply, parent so wisely, and teach with such patience. Love you!

Amy and Jonathan Hook said...

I love talking to you about this - and I love hearing it in your writing too. I think the conclusions you've drawn are awesome (having faith and pouring into your three kiddos)...so I'd say you're in a pretty good spot, magic feeling or not!

Sue Asbjornsen said...

What can I say? My daughter is wise, tender-hearted and God-trusting. I am also thankful that you bless others by thoughtfully and vulnerably sharing. And all in five minutes :)

Jenny said...

When I struggled with this, my mom told me i'll feel the same way when I'm a grandma (still wanting babies), even though it would be physically impossible; I also wanted babies when I was 6--again, impossible. God just puts this desire to have and to love babies in our hearts. It might not ever go away!

Lovin' on my Boys said...

That is exactly how I felt after three... and now (due to an amazing God story) we are in the process of adopting one more. ;)

Kelsy said...

In time, God will provide you with the right feeling, he always does, maybe not right now, but he will. What a smart realization, knowing what a good mother you can be the three, than to any more. Having true faith in God is one of the hardest things we can ever do in life, but I think you're doing just great.

The Boggs Family said...

Well said Amy... totally in the same boat! :) Miss you guys & was thinking of you today.. hugs!!!

Sue Asbjornsen said...

Just do not be "done" blogging, okay? :) ...Please

Wendy said...

I love what your mom said.

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