have mercy

I think if we had ten children, I might become excellent at this gig--motherhood! But since we are not going to have ten, I might as well get used to the fact that I'm just going to have to learn as I go--and I'm going to fail a lot! This isn't brain surgery...I'm just raising little people. But that's just it...they're little people, not robots and they are way more complicated than one might think! I'm always learning, always changing my strategy. What works one day won't always work the next and what worked with Parker doesn't always work with Griffin. Just as I start to feel like I have things under control, something changes...and so I have to. Being flexible and admitting mistakes is so crucial, don't you think?

So like I said a couple of days ago, Parker has been a bear. And that wouldn't be such a big deal if that was normal, but it isn't--he's normally quite agreeable and even lovely to be around. I've been laying awake at night trying to figure out why he's been constantly crying, weepy, throwing fits, peeing on the floor, waking up at night. I know something is up. Last night, I felt like a total failure. I was at my end, I had nothing else left to try. I was totally out of ideas and I felt like I'd let things get out of control. I was tired of not liking my son very much. I wasn't being a good mom. I was stressed and when I get stressed, I go to bed! So I took a nap and my husband put the boys to bed. As I drifted off to sleep last night, I prayed for help with my son. I didn't want to go down this bad road I was heading...

I woke up this morning with some new perspective and fresh ideas. I noticed that Parker was not working well in our morning routine anymore. A couple of days ago, I thought changing was totally unnecessary and I didn't feel like putting in the effort. It was clear to me this morning that what used to work for Parker no longer was....so I decided to try to do things different. I need to learn to flex sooner! I won't say that everything went smooth, but it was a much better morning and it seemed like Parker noticed I was trying to change things up. He still had a couple of bad moments, but I felt like we've taken a turn. I'm still trying to figure things out. And the best part...I liked Parker this morning:) Most likely, it is combination of things. I'm working with him and trying to help him communicate what is going on. Until then, I'm thankful for fresh perspective ... and mercies that are new every morning.


Kati said...

Oh Amy...I could have written this post this morning. Kallen too has been quite the bear. I've tried everything with him today and nothing has been working. He just hasn't been the same fun loving self that he normally is. I haven't "liked" him very much today either!

I'm praying that changing things up a bit works for you guys, and maybe we should try the same!

You're in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Munchkin Land said...

Oh Amy, I am SO relieved that I am not the only mommy who doesn't like her child all the time! =(

I think you are an AMAZING mom and I commend you for being willing to bend and be flexible with your children. We won't do this parenting thing perfectly, no matter how hard we try. All we can offer them is our best. Your sons are incredibly lucky to have you as a mom!

Here's to hoping for a better week next week.

Wendy said...

I used to think if I had a ton of kids I'd have it all figured out, but the tricky part is they are all so different! So, I guess I'd never have it all figured out. This is a good thing though because it helps us to lean on God. We CANNOT do this on our own! I think my kids will have taught me way more than I will ever teach them. God is continually showing me my need to lean on Him in all areas through my kids and the daily situations that come up. I have so much to learn.

I think you were wise to see the need to change things for Parker and then to do it. You are a good mom! I love reading about your sweet family and all that God is teaching you.

Aleah said...

Our boys seem to jump in and out of bad phases also.
It helps to leave the house by yourself when they go to bed so you can get everything put into perspective and feel refreshed, ya know.
I've had 3 evenings out this week...
Does that tell you anything?!

Love, Aleah

crystal said...


I came across your blog from my sisters. http://accordingtohispwer2.blogspot.com

I am so glad to know that I am not alone out here int the land of not liking my children all the time. It seems so hard sometimes. I have three kids and everyone is different. It takes alot of changing up and rearranging to fit all three. There are days when all three are being bears and then what do you do? You cant change everything in one day...ohhh what a blessing to know that I am not alone....Thank you for being so honest and putting this out there for others to see.


Amy said...

hi amy! you are such a great blogger! i was wondering... you once mentioned a book called "grace based parenting" or something like that. did you like it? would you recommend it? whats the authors name? could you email me? thanks amy!
--amy rap

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