7.18.2006

Bikini for Baby?

Boy or Girl? Hmmmm… I’ve been trying to articulate to people and to myself, how I feel about having a girl vs. a boy. Most people think that I want a girl this time because we already have a boy and …every woman wants to have a daughter, right? Not necessarily true in my case.

While I’d be thrilled to have a daughter, I’m not sure I’m ready for it yet or if I ever will be. I really love having a son. I love the unique mama-son relationship that Parker and I have. While Parker wants to be just like his daddy and copies everything he does, he always looks to me for reassurance and comfort. Always. Many people don’t like the whirlwind of activity that boys create…but I love it. It is such a fun challenge to try to rope that energy in and create healthy experiences for Parker. It really keeps me on my toes because, by nature, I’m not like this at all. I like peace, rest, solitude….you know, not necessarily what toddler boys like. We’re so different. I love being exhausted at the end of the day because Parker has had me chasing him around the house or helping him knock down towers or insisting that I take him outside and play for the hundredth time. I love having a little boy and would love having another one to increase the chaos:)

To be really honest, I’m scared to have a girl. I know that people love to buy clothes for little girls and dress them up and make them look cute. But I think that parents are making a mistake when they put so much focus on clothes and such for little girls. I think it sends a message that appearance is too important. I hate it when little girls are dressed like mini-teenagers. I think it is disgusting and inappropriate. They have plenty of time to choose to look sexy and hip (and they will), but childhood is not the time. I especially don’t like bikinis for little ones…but this is just a hang-up I have. Okay, I’ll step off of my soapbox now…

It seems like girls are often recognized for their appearance, while boys are more often recognized for their character. Why is that? I think that it starts with parents and the emphasis we put on outward appearance vs. character. With boys, I think it is easier to center our attention on raising men of integrity and character (and I have such a passion for it), but with girls, I feel there are so many distractions that even parents can get hung up on.

I guess, to put it bluntly, I’m afraid of failing. I feel confident in raising boys. I feel good about the way we’re raising Parker and I’m afraid I’d totally flop with a girl. I’m afraid that I’d go along with the rest of the world and become obsessed with creating a beautiful child and lose my focus. And then when she becomes a teenager, I’ll see my mistakes coming back to bite me!

In my heart, I know that God will prepare me to be the mom that this new baby needs….boy or girl. I just need prayer that God would calm my nerves and give me wisdom and confidence in our decisions.

All this thought and it really doesn’t even matter because I have NO say in the matter. The sex of this baby has already been determined. Even now, I’m being prepared to be the mama to this new little one. It will be interesting to come back and read this later!

12 comments:

Aleah said...

I totally agree on the baby bikini comment/issue. No bikini for my girl!
I plan on trying to keep Disney love stories out of our house as long as I can too! AND Barbies. Right now Ella plays with all her brothers toys... She likes to spin car wheels just like they did!
I am a little worried about the teenage years with a girl. In my situation Ella has the boys to hopefully keep her mellow and under control. : )

PS: You can take my boys for a week and try the multiple boy thing out! cHaOs galore! HA HA ; )

Boy or girl the baby will fit in perfectly with your family!!

Love, Aleah

Aleah said...

Also...Thanks for bringing this topic up. So true.

Wendy said...

I agree w/you on the bikini thing. I don't think they are ever a good idea. It is the same as underwear and would you want just anyone to see you in your underwear?

Ginainchina said...

amy you are so insightful, stuff i have never really put into words before, but its so true! lets talks more about it sometime, its so interesting.... gina

Jen said...

Funny you bring up this topic...I had this exact conversation with my mom the other day. We kept coming back to the issue of modesty and how the world talks about it as if it were a bad thing. I know, regardless of the baby's sex, you and Joel are the perfect parents for him/her! Blessings!

JennG said...

I completely agree with your comments! I absolutely hate most of the clothes that young girls and tweens have. Jon and I have already decided to take a firm stance on this in future years. (Oh, I already have a headache thinking about future battles on this topic.)

My biggest goal for Devyn is that she'll grow up realizing that everything on the inside is most important. *Sigh* Its a tough job when everything else (society) is screaming something entirely different.

Brandon and Rachel said...

Amy,
Thanks for the comments you left on our blog. It's so encouraging to hear and read what other mothers are thinking and feeling and overcoming. Anali will be 4 weeks old tomorrow, and it feels simultaneously "ONLY four weeks" and "FOUR weeks?" at the same time.

Brandon was reading your latest entry over my shoulder and commented how it was funny how moms think they can't handle the opposite gender of the one they are currently raising. I LOVE having a baby girl. She is so precious, and I look forward to sharing with her the pastimes and activites that I enjoy in life, as well as those that her daddy enjoys. Even more so, I look forward to discovering those things that SHE finds endearing in the world around her.

I can't imagine raising a SON! I wouldn't know where to begin. Would we bond in the same ways? I've learned a great lesson in these first few weeks of motherhood: God truly is sufficient...more than enough. He teaches me how to meet her needs, and covers her with His grace when I can't meet her needs (I can't make her gas go away on my own!).

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope that the morning sickness passes quickly and you are able to enjoy this pregnancy and have energy to chase around your little darling (He's so cute!).

Tell Joel Brandon and I say hello. Seems Brandon's cousin, Kyle, just asked Joel's cousin, Jennifer, to marry him. We're practically family now! :) We'd love to have you over next time you're in the area...we live by Puyallup.

Take care!

Rachel

From the Woodlands said...

Amy, you are right on about the bikni thing nowadays. Our world has really changed in the 27 years since I had my girl. Back then a baby girl wearing a bikini didn't take on the same meaning it does today. It was like a little boy wearing a pair of cowboy boots, it was just, sweet and darling. With places like Abercrombie and sex being used to sell a product I wouldn't want to support any industry that exploits women in such a crude and degradeing way.
You and Joel, I think, are the perfect parents to possibly raise a little girl! You already have a sense of how you would do it! And your daughter would turn out to have a genuine beauty within.
I'm excited to hear, (if that is what you two are plannig on), what you are having!
Girls really are a load of fun too! And especially today, you can do anything you want to do.
With daughters you develope and share a bond that only our Heavenly Father could have created!
--Laurie

Kelsey said...

Mimes, you are one of a kind! I absolutely love the sincerity and vulnerability that you shared in this post. I know that we have discussed before that you are scared to raise a little girl, but I truly feel that you and Joel would do just as good of job with a daughter as you have done with Parker. And I am not just saying that because I am your sister! You are the most amazing mom and I know that whatever the sex of your child, you will find a way to be the best role model possible. Just as you said, even now, God is preparing you for the newest addition to your family. Remember the days before Parker was born and you were anxiously awaiting his arrival? Well, you were scared then...scared that you wouldn't know what to do, scared that you wouldn't be able to stop his crying, scared that you would make a mistake...and guess what? God knew that you were afraid and He helped calm those fears! I am so proud of you Mimes and I love knowing that Parker is blessed with such incredible parents. You are such an inspiration to me and I am honored to be your sister. I love you.

Andi said...

I read this post this morning before playgroup and didn't have time to make a comment...It looks like Rachel and Kels said exactly what I wanted to say!
**You are an amazing mama, Amy. I have always been in awe of how naturally it has seemed to all come to you! Parker is so blessed to have you.
**I love your honesty and vunerability and the intentionality you have in raising your son.
**Being a mama to a little girl is so fun! I absolutely LOVE it! But its so funny b/c as nervous/scared that you are about having a girl, I think that I would feel that way about having a boy!
** I think that we all worry about failing as parents, regardless of what our children's gender is. That's what's so amazing and beautiful about God and His grace. He doesn't expect us to be perfect parents; just to do the best that we can and then trust Him to take care of the rest.
I love you!
Andi
P.S. It would be fun if you had a little girl so that Audrey could have another girl cousin! :)

Anonymous said...

I know the feeling. I always thought I was a "boy mom". As a teacher I always enjoyed the boys and their energy and their ability to be so real. Honestly, the little girls and their "cliques" made me a little bit crazy. Boy, was I scared when my ultrasound determined I was having a girl. (In fact, I kept saying I thought it was wrong...I was having a boy.) I was and still am petrified. My beautiful little girl is 6 months old and when I see the messages that our society sends to and about girls, I am terrified. Looking back, I can't imagine my life with any other child. God knew she was the perfect fit for our family. He will prepare your heart for more love than you thought you were capable of no matter if it is a boy or a girl. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I raised two boys and one girl. My hubby and I were pretty strict when it came to fashion, including the boys...you know, out of the ball park hairdos n' such. I find that so many young women today have never been introduced or have forgotten what modesty is, or that there is such a thing. It's being discrete, wanting to draw attention to the countenance rather than the body, so all of us should dress modestly and I too feel that it begins in childhood and how mommy dresses. *I for one am so weary of seeing what I call "the great divide" when young women bend over in jeans these days... bottom crackies galore! It used to be that we made fun of the refrigeator repair guys with that look, so now it's fashion for the women of our day?! I don't get that! Today my daughter is a woman with three little kiddos of her own and she still dresses modestly. We moms must teach modesty as a way of life.
Three cheers to all of you younger women who commented and voted for modesty for your girls!
Louise

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