Our firstborn is six today!

The way I feel about our firstborn is complicated. I love him more than I could ever express and I don't even want to try to describe how I feel about our first baby because it sounds strange when I say it out loud. Maybe I'll try.

I do not have a favorite child whatsoever. But I do have to say that there is something unique about your first child. I dreamed of him for years before he
was born...he was the fulfillment of so many dreams. He was and is the test-drive kid for the rest of them. He had every ounce of our attention for a while...and
still does sometimes. I feel like I've invested so much time and effort into this kid. He taught me how to be a mom and paved a smoother way for his siblings. For me, this picture says everything I can't seem to express with words:

I've posted this picture numerous times on here. For the life of me, I can't seem to find anything attractive about this photo of me. Nothing. However, this moment just says it all....it was when I heard...


for the very first time. That was my reaction.

And he has turned into such a sweet, polite, sensitive, inquisitive, and smart boy. So many adults tell me how much they love Parker and his sweet spirit. Me too.

However. Ahem. ;) As much as I adore Parker...he drives me absolutely crazy most days! I feel so connected to Parker, like he is a part of me. I feel like we're made of the same stuff. I get him. And this can be a good thing at times. There is a portion of his brain that is literally a carbon copy of mine. He knows exactly what to say and do to make me think I've gone mad. He outsmarts me all of the time. We can totally clash because we know how to get into each other's heads. Bad, bad, bad!!

Really, as I was preparing for his birthday yesterday, I was screaming horrible words in my head about how someone turned him into something evil! I was feeling dramatic. He brings out the worst in me.

But he also brings out the very best. Parker has been used to refine this heart of mine in some painful and beautiful ways. I'm right in the thick of child-rearing insanity and I can already see that he is and will continue to be a blessing.

I love you Parker David! With all of my crazy heart.


Gina said...

what a beautifully written post! happy birthday parker! :)

Jen said...

Crying! This is a beautiful post, Amy! Happy Birthday to sweet Parker!

Sue Asbjornsen said...

I always get the same wave of surreal emotion seeing that photo; and always the rush of awareness that I was privileged to be there. Keep wrestling and embracing the uniqueness of your first-born treasure. And as always, Happy giving birth day to a gifted mom!

The Boggs Family said...

Happy Birthday, Parker! And Amy, I loved reading your thoughts and heart on your special lil' (er, um, gettin' big!) first born! :) Gosh, in that soccer pic of him, he DOES look so grown up???...I think I have him engrained in my mind as a 4 year old in the toddler group at church from years past. This super handsome, sweet little guy that belonged to you & Joel.. with the darling little brother who's dimples I adore! And now look at you guys; you have an amazingly little girl now too.. and when you describe being in the thick of parenting craziness - I understand what you're sayin'! :) So happy for you & love how you love your kids!! Hope you all are well.... miss you guys & hope our paths cross some time soon when we're in town again visiting. Lots of love from us & a big Happy Birthday wish to Parker! :)

The Boggs Family said...

and p.s. that pic of you in the hospital rejoicing tells more than words - it's perfect. And sooo fitting for this post!!! LOVED it!!

Kelsey said...

Oh that picture always makes me cry...without fail! Watching Parker be born and watching you and Joel experience those first moments of parenthood are memories that I will treasure forever. Tell that special boy happy birthday! His Auntie is crazy about him :)

Kelsy said...

Can't help but tear up at that photo every time you post it. Such a beautiful capture of the moment. Can't believe your boy's 6! Happy B-day to him!! I still remember visiting you in Seattle when you were pregnant like it was yesterday!! We must find a way to slow time down!!

carly said...

wow, 6!:) i loved reading this post amy. it was refreshing to hear how wonderful and crazy our kids can make us feel.:) happy birthday to parker!

Jessica said...

What a great post, Amy! Beautifully written. Happy 6th Birthday, Parker!

Goforth said...

Amy- we really enjoyed visiting with you and Joel Saturday night :) -Anna

Jenny said...

One of my favorite pictures of you! I never get tired of seeing it. It's absolutely breathtaking.

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