I used to make rules that I told myself were really goals or guidelines to help me be a more successful at my job. For example:
I will read 20 books to Parker everyday. (20 books? Geesh...)
We will do flashcards for numbers and letters everyday
And an art project everyday
The kids will eat from the major food groups at each meal
We will memorize a bible verse each week
I will get up every morning at 5:30 to do my devotional
I will work out 5x's a week
And I even had a schedule in the kitchen for our day. I cringe when I write that.
Seriously, the list could go on and on and on....blah! It is really embarrassing to me now. While some of those things aren't unreasonable, I was viewing my virtual list as a checklist! I was bound by these "guidelines" and realized that I failed every single day. Failure, failure, failure. I told myself that all of the time.
But here is the thing...I really am not a list person. I'm no type A whatsoever. My personality is very laid back, go with the flow. I follow my instincts, do what I feel, that sort of thing. And when I do...things work. My head works:) I like some routine, but I am so not a schedule person. I was just not working with my idea of what I was supposed to be doing. Does that even make a bit of sense? And most of all, I hated being a failure and being bound by my made-up rules.
Then something happened. I really wish I remembered what I was reading at the time or who influenced me or whatever, but I don't. I really wish I had blogged about things I was learning. A lot of what I've learned about this past year has dealt with freedom...at least I remember that much. But maybe it was more of a slow change and I'm just now realizing what happened.
I don't have a list anymore. None of that junk above is allowed in my head...I have a "no rules" policy. Sometimes my old rules creep up on my and I just brush them away now. I just do the best I can...I allow myself to mother in my unique way....and move on to the next day. I feel like myself now. I'm still learning (and always will be) but I feel more freedom to be the me God has designed me to be. And it is so good.