6.05.2007

balance...again

Warning: thoughts in progress…this is not necessarily a complete thought. I haven’t come to any firm conclusions on this issue. This is just me, voicing my thoughts about this specific lesson.

I had an eating disorder in high school and thankfully I have been completely healed in that area of my life. The eating disorder is just one area out of many that was pivotal in bringing me to a faith in Jesus. There were many reasons why I developed an eating disorder in the first place, but what it came down to was this—sin. I was so focused on myself and my appearance that I saw no one else. Nothing. It was all-consuming. No one was allowed in my life except me and my “secret”. It was really a pitiful existence and, after recovering, I realized that I never wanted my life to be like that again.

So along with giving up my obsession about my weight, I also decided that focusing on how I dressed was a waste of time and just generally a distraction from the higher calling of loving God and others…sin, even. Think of all of the people we could help with our time and resources if we didn’t spend it on making sure we made a good impression? And I still think this—I really do. I think we are an appearance obsessed culture. I believe we are consistently choosing greed over helping others and all the while, modeling this to our children. So often, we are all talk and no action.

But…even though I want to forget about what people think about my outward appearance, I don’t! It has been a struggle to keep it in balance at times. While I have been making effort to keep thoughts about how I dress on the back-burner, I have also been frustrated by the fact that I have often felt uncomfortable and out of place because of my lack of forethought. These thoughts make me feel conflicted because I really don’t want to be bothered by these feelings while in social situations—I want to be myself and to be used by God without distraction. Make sense?

So here are my thoughts as the moment: I really want to be a good steward of my money, time and thoughts, but since I have to spend money on clothing anyway, why not put some consideration into it and purchase items that will make me feel good in my own skin? That way I can forget about it and get on with more significant things. There really is something to be said about clothes that fit well and that are flattering. An amazing thing happens…I forget about myself and I am able to focus my full attention on things that actually matter in the big picture. What freedom!

It is all about balance, right Dad? Isn’t it interesting that I am finally learning to bring things back into balance after going to both extremes within the past ten years? And I know that God will continue to work on this area with me. I know this because I am s-l-o-w. And He is patient.


8 comments:

Aleah said...

Thanks for sharing the past. : )
God uses so many ways to get ahold of us!
You can probably figure out the way he got me (back)!

I don't know how I feel about the outside appearance/clothing thing...
What I do know is that I've become very sensitve to it since having a girl.
Yes your right, BALANCE!
Thanks for making the gears turn!

From the Woodlands said...

Amy, you hit it on the nose! Your last paragraph says it all...

"I really want to be a good steward of my money, time and thoughts, but since I have to spend money on clothing anyway, why not put some consideration into it and purchase items that will make me feel good in my own skin? That way I can forget about it and get on with more significant things. There really is something to be said about clothes that fit well and that are flattering. An amazing thing happens…I forget about myself and I am able to focus my full attention on things that actually matter in the big picture. What freedom! It is all about balance, right Dad?"

You've got it girl, now go and enjoy being a woman of God! : )

Love, Laurie

Munchkin Land said...

Amy, I admire you for sharing this with the world wide web. Your post is really going to touch someone and help them grow too.

I understand the dilemma, I've often struggled with it myself. (I'll have to send you an email.) But I do think you hit the nail on the head... balance! While I don't want to become obsessed with what I'm wearing, I do want to feel good too. =) Good thoughts!

Kelsey said...

I don't have much to say at the moment except that this post made me cry. You've never talked to me about what you went through in high school before, so to hear it on your blog for the first time is pretty powerful. Love you.

Kels

Wendy said...

I love that 1 Peter passage in your sidebar, and how it ties in so perfectly with what God has been teaching you through this. Thanks for sharing how God has worked in your life. You are a bright light for Him!

Kimberly said...

Thank you for sharing this post with us all. I am glad that you have overcome this disoder and are happy and healthy now, not just for your family but for YOURSELF.
And you're right it is a wonderful freedom!

AndiMae said...

Amy, this is such a beautiful post! I love your heart and the way that you express it through writing. Having known you for almost eleven years now (wow!), it has been so awesome to see God's work in your life from high school up to today! It is so inspiring and encouraging to me to read how much you love the Lord and want to serve Him.

I love you, dear sister!

Dad said...

Amy Girl,

You have always been insightful and I continue to learn from you as you share your thoughts, etc. You are right about "balance." What a great concept!

Love,

Your Dad,

Dad

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