change tense

"It is extraordinary to realize that this moment, framed in time--not the memories, not the expectations or ambitions--is my life. And in this moment I change tense: stop becoming and just am."
"Seeing in the Dark" ~ O, Oct 07 ~ p. 298

We made a family trip to Costco last night. Love that place! I tend to get more than we need, so for that reason, I don't love it...but it is just so darn fun! Yes, even fun with two little ones in the cart and ice cream all over their faces. They were fascinated with the Christmas merchandise. What kid wouldn't be excited about a lit-up, life-sized reindeer? :)

I've written before about how I am striving to live in the moment...not dwelling on the past or camping myself in the future either. I think the key is to live like a kid in some ways. They are so simple and practical. Parker's prayer after we got home (before bed) was a good reminder of this...

"Dear God, thank you for the stooooorrrr.....ummmmmm......thank you for ice creeeaaaam....ummmmm....thank you for fwosted middy eats (a.k.a. frosted mini-wheats). Jesus. God. Amen."

I love that he was just thanking God for what he knew to be good, for the exciting things he had just experienced and for the practical things in life God gives us. He was praying with a grateful heart and certainly knows how to live in the moment.

And all this time, I thought I was supposed to be teaching him.... ;)

Breakthrough

For possibly the first time in his life, little Griffin has learned that pain often accompanies growth. Isn't that true in most things, especially in the big picture? I get the feeling that Griffin doesn't like this new reality. Sometimes I don't either...

Griffin has learned this lesson at the ripe old age of almost eight months...in the form of his very first two teeth in one week! We have a breakthrough, people! I am so thankful that his recent crabbiness can be explained rather than be blamed on a new, un-delightful disposition.

I think he is feeling better now and gleefully using his new tools:) I can't wait until we can actually see the two little razors when he smiles!

Blooming

A quote I read on Liz's blog a while ago...

In "Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul" Angela Thomas says..."In motherhood, I have come to know the weakest parts of myself. I see where other moms are more and I am less. I feel the weight of wanting to be all and struggling to be in part. There are more hardships and difficulties than I could have ever anticipated. To love my family, care for a home, and pursue my passions is to be confronted with the truth of my weakness. I am not enough. I cannot possibly do it all. But then Jesus speaks and says, 'There-right there in the weakness of motherhood-there is where My power is perfected. My grace in you will be more than enough .' [paraphrase from 2 cor 12:9] And I can rest. I can breath a deep sigh of relief and rest. The power of Christ covers my weak places and supernaturally makes me strong."

I've always liked that "Bloom where you are planted" quote...but I'd like to change it to "Bloom using the seed you've been given" :)

Like a lot of women, I often dwell on what I am not, how I fail to measure up, how I don't fit the mold, and how I'm just not good enough. I have a huge list of things that I'm not gifted in...allow me to share just a few:

*I'm not a great organizer*I forget things*I'm not a linear thinker*not a great multi-tasker*I don't stick to a strict schedule with my children*I'm not super crafty*I don't like to bake*my house isn't always perfectly clean*I don't always follow through*I lose my temper sometimes*I have anxiety*I'm easily overwhelmed*sometimes I don't say the right things at the right time*I don't have a super-neat life of order*I can be lazy*I'm not, I'm not, I'm not....

BUT....I've been thinking a lot about how I've been uniquely created and I've been given a special set of gifts for my role in life. These gifts are more important than the numerous ways that I fail to meet the standard. Now, this isn't intended to be a boastful list, just a way for me to reflect on the gifts God has given me, instead of the areas in which I struggle...

*I'm sensitive to my family's needs*I'm a good communicator*I'm resourceful*I have vision and can see the big picture*I'm a thinker*I try to think before I speak*I listen*I am a fun mom--we dance, we sing, we play, we read...lots!*I like to cook*I find humor in tough situations*I can make a house a home*I'm a relaxed mama*I let the kids get dirty*my kids and my husband know I love them because I tell them/show them*I know how to relax*I am a nurturer*I am a passionate person*I love deeply*I love God*I recognize this is a gift....because He loved me first.

Instead of focusing on that first list...I've been thinking, praying about the gifts I do have and have become more thankful for how I have been created. This way, I can be of much more use to everybody...if I can bloom using the seed I've been given!

So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't. From Romans 12

I'm sure I'll be coming back to this list once in a while to remind myself of my good intentions:)

authenticity...nothing to prove?

I came across this great post at Reluctant Entertainers a while back and I keep thinking about it. The whole site is really interesting and challenges me to think about the gift of hospitality in a new way. I've been thinking a lot about this in relation to my desire to share life with other people in an authentic way....whatever that looks like. What really struck me was the comment about her guests, who were so refreshing because they had nothing to prove. Nothing to prove! Don't we all love to be friends with people who have nothing to prove? It is hard to be part of an authentic relationship when one or both are trying to prove their worth through accomplishments, possessions and such. I'd much rather hear this..."This is me...I don't know everything...I'm not perfect...and I have nothing to prove." Not only do I want to be around these type of people, but I want to be that person. How can I truly love others when I am preoccupied with myself? Anyway, it was a bit of a thought provoking post and I thought I'd share...check it out!

theme songs...

I've been thinking so much about music lately. I think it may be because Amanda is doing a music series right now and I'm loving how she connects song lyrics to everyday life. It is so much fun!

I'm wondering, does everyone have theme songs for certain times of their life? Let me explain this...so when I was falling in love with my husband, I literally felt like I was in a movie because a soundtrack seemed like it was playing in my head all of the time. When I hear some of those songs, it brings me back to that time---and what could be better than that?!! And then certain songs bring me back to the time I was really, really longing to be a mama, but the timing wasn't right. I listened to this song all of the time because I dreamed of having my very own little boy sing it to me someday...isn't that funny? :) I have songs for absolutely everything. I'm sure everyone has songs that go with specific periods of time. Isn't it amazing how powerful it can be? What a gift...

So my husband sang me a beautiful, new song the other night. Oh, man...I love that! You see, Joel has an amazing, amazing voice. I am going to be really honest and say that it is what first attracted me to him and why I ended up stalking him! But yes, then I found that there was so much more underneath that beautiful voice. I recently told him that I am going to figure out a way to record him singing a song to me and put it on here....he didn't like that idea! I will at least post the lyrics of the new song at some point.

But the song that I love the most is the very first song he ever sang for me, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton. I promise you though, he sounds better than Mr. Clapton. The song is over in my playlist if you are interested. When I hear that song I remember the exact spot on the floor I was sitting in when he started playing and singing...I remember how I felt...I remember what I was wearing...and how he sang it perfectly. I could tell he was a tad nervous about looking me straight in the eye when he sang certain lyrics. Magical. But now when he sings it to me it is even better because the lyrics mean more...and I assure you he can look at me straight in the eyes when he sings it to me.

So that is my theme song for when I was falling in love with my husband. I have so many more....like songs that remind me of Young Life camp...road trips with my family...Christmas...first year of marriage. Many of them are on my playlist. So now I want to know, what are your theme songs? Everybody has them and I really want to know!

Wonderful Tonight
by Eric Clapton

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.

It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."

I have to edit this to add a funny thing about this song...

So when Joel was playing this song out at the lake this year, I happened to be down at the tent getting something and could hear Joel starting. I literally started sprinting back up to the deck of the cabin. (That is MY SONG people!!!:)) The sprint, not a pretty picture in the first place, but then I pulled a muscle on my way up the stairs! Oh my! So this song has even more meaning now...

Savoring the moment...

Joel is at work so it is just the two of us today. Sometimes, when Joel works on Saturday, both Parker and I get kind of down and lonely because everyone else is having family time and we're stuck here trying to figure out how to spend our day. Today has been a little different. We woke up to a cloudless sky and bright sunshine. We still have snow so everything in our park looks just beautiful. Parker's absolute favorite thing to do is to take walks outside--and it doesn't matter what the weather is like. He loves the outdoors and takes such joy in all things natural....dogs, pine cones, blue sky, ice on the road, dirty snow...which he tends to eat:)

I decided to venture out into the cold and take Parker on a leisurely walk. I haven't done this with him in what feels like months. I guess I've just been so worn out and the weather has been way too cold for Parker...and his mama! It turned out to be so fun. We probably didn't walk very far but we were gone for an hour! Parker stopped to talk to all of the neighbors, dogs, cats, trees, trucks...anything that would listen! And this time, I chose not to rush him along and I just let him discover and play. I found myself really savoring the moment. It was just the two of us and I know that these moments won't happen as often once we have two children. I love being with my little boy and spending time watching him grow and learn. What a blessing he is to me and so many others. Our little walk is one of those moments that I have treasured up in my heart for years to come. When things get crazy and I start feeling overwhelmed, it is wonderful to have memories like these to help me remember why I love being a mama.

Attitude Adjustment

It occurred to me the other day that I needed an attitude adjustment. I kind of think that even my blog has been reflecting how tired and crabby I've been feeling (sorry!) and I realized that I have a choice in the matter. I'm always the one to tell other people that they have choices when it comes to these sorts of things, but sometimes it is tough to swallow your own medicine!

I have seven weeks left as a mom of one and I've made the decision to stop trying to do everything perfectly and to just enjoy my son right now. Now that I've made this decision, I feel much less overwhelmed and worn out. Instead of trying to keep up our normal routine, it is okay to slow down a bit and not go out and do some sort of activity every single day. These outings are really what tire me out and frustrate both of us. I don't want to remember these last couple of months before #2 arrives as being difficult and tiring. We're going to take it easy and just play up a storm, read tons of books, and sing silly songs right here at home...and I hope that Parker enjoys it as much as I do:)

Are we there yet?

Every so often, Joel and I feel like we might have made it to adulthood. I mean, I know that we're technically considered an adult when we're 18, but I really think that it is a process to grow into that label. So, technically, we've been grown-ups for 10 years or so (Joel, not me...he's old:), but we're still trying to feel that way.

Yesterday, however, we felt like we had a very "grown-up" day. Two momentous things happened to us and both were deliveries to our house: our brand-spankin' new sofa and love seat were delivered AND our return address stamp with our very own address on it came in the mail! Wowsers:) I feel like I might have over-blogged this topic, but I'm just so excited to be settled into a life of our own without feeling like we're going to move soon and both of these deliveries just confirmed that life is feeling normal.

The address stamp is pretty self explanatory! We've just never lived anywhere that we knew we were going to stay so I've always just hand-written all of those return addresses on waaaaay too many Christmas cards. This year is going to be different because we have a flashy new stamp with our name on it. What a year:)

We've never before bought any furniture with plans to have it last for the long-haul and these pieces of furniture are definitely items we want to keep. After moving the furniture in the living room around and around, we finally settled on the setup. Poor Joel....I just have to blame the indecisiveness on the pregnancy...because I can. We plopped down on our new cushy couches and grinned because we knew that we just might have arrived at adulthood. It's a good day...he he!

Oh My!

Just so you know, the name of my blog actually means something. I wasn't just pulling cute words out of thin air... The "Amy " part is obvious..it is my name. But the "Oh My" part? Well, it is a phrase I often use when I have no idea what else to say. It is often accompanied with a wide-eyed look between Joel and I that says...

Is this really my life?!

Life with a toddler is sort of funny (as you veteran mama's know). Here are a few everyday "oh my" moments from this past week.

• May cause excitability in young children. It is nap time for Parker, but at the moment he is jumping on his bed and seeing how far he can throw his huge collection of pacifiers across the room. Apparently, the cold medicine is causing some hyperactivity. Sigh. Oh My.
• I actually hid the elephant book. I know, it sounds just terrible, but I couldn't handle it anymore and it is just for a few days so I can catch my breath. On Saturday morning, Parker woke up at 5:15 and as soon as his feet hit the floor, he ran and got the book and demanded that we "read book". And we did...three times before 6 am. I have no idea where this obsessive behavior came from:) Oh My.
• Maybe a bodily fluids issue? Parker has always seemed to go extreme when it comes to all the gross things that go along with babyhood...puke, pee, drool, etc. Lovely stuff. He has drooled a lot his entire life and it didn't take us long to figure out that it has nothing to do with teething. I mean, seriously, he's 18 months old and if he didn't wear a bib, he would probably go through at least 3 shirts a day. At home, he wears huge, ugly, rubber-backed bibs all day (see pic above) to catch the stuff--and he goes through at least two of those a day. I'm trying to get him to just close his mouth, but so far, it hasn't worked. Oh My.
• The boy looks bald. So Parker needed a haircut and we've found that it turns out just fine when we use the clippers at home. Usually. This time, I asked Joel to cut it since he did such a nice job last time. I don't like Parker's hair cut super short because then he looks bald and way too old. We picked out the little things you put on the clippers to make sure you don't cut too short; a one inch for the top and a 1/2 inch for the sides. Joel got started and I was standing nearby to help distract Parker with treats. I noticed an unusual amount of almost white tufts flying to the ground, and for a moment, just thought that his hair was extra long. Turns out that the 1/2 inch thingy was used for the entire head! A head that looks almost bald and huge dark circles under his eyes from a little cold...Parker has seen better days! Oh My.

halloween, elephants, and giraffes

Ohhhh...I'm just so excited for today! Today is Halloween, of course, and we are having our second annual Halloween party. Actually, it is just basically family coming over but I get to make my very special Pumpkin Chili and display my new table runner I made:) And...I get to dress up my boy as one of his favorite animals, a giraffe! Parker LOVES his costume and hugs and kisses it whenever we let him. I wonder if he'll like having it on? We're going Trick or Treating at a retirement home this morning and then we'll come home and get ready for our party.

Speaking of Halloween and the sometimes scary things that go along with it, Parker is suddenly afraid of everything! He's always been afraid of elephants. Elephants...even elephant's in books or Baby Einstein or the sound of elephants on his Raffi CD. But here is the strange part...this is Parker's favorite book:

I mean favorite. Favorite as in we read it maybe ten times a day....and it isn't a short little board book. Parker is waaaaay over those little kid reads:) This was one of my favorite books as a kid so it is actually pretty fun to read. And maybe it will help get Parker over his fear of these scary creatures.

Oh, and be prepared for plenty of pictures of my giraffe in the following days...I just might go overboard:)

Regrets anyone? No perfection here...

I have to admit that I really like watching and reading celebrity interviews... and I know that I'm not the only one:) It seems like we are often surprised at how human these famous people seem after hearing an interview with them. However, does it ever occur to you that most of them, when asked if they have any regrets about their past decisions, often say they wouldn't change a thing because all of their mistakes have made them who they are today (or something similar)? Sure, I believe that some of them like their lives and like who they have become but is there anything wrong with admitting mistakes? Is there anything wrong with having regrets in your life?

Like I said the other day, I'm really happy with where I am in my life right now. I do think that many of my decisions have made me who I am. But I will say that I certainly have regrets and have made a lot of mistakes. I'm human and I am just plain mean, dumb and sinful sometimes. My biggest regret is that as a result of my mistakes and bad decisions, I have hurt people--even those that I love the most. I have hurt people with my words and even more so by what I haven't said...the looks I've given...the judgements I've made. I regret all of these things. I don't want my bad decisions to be dirty little secrets that I brush under the rug because I think this can hurt others even more. I want to live a life of transparency and I admit that I'm not perfect...far from it.

This little rant of mine is not intended to be a blanket apology to all of those that I've hurt in my life; it is just one of my attempts at living my life honestly--like a hardwood floor:) And thank God for His forgiveness...

Happy to be...

moving forward, living my life today, in the moment...

...These are all things that I'm feeling lately. I feel like I've just recently started moving forward in life again. I'm experiencing my life again instead of watching it happen to me. I haven't really sorted out why I have felt so restless in past months and years and I've tried so hard not to desire to be in the past or in the future, but I just haven't been successful. *I was thinking the other day about how I haven't even cheated this year and listened to Christmas music yet. Sorta sounds silly but I think that it is telling. I don't want it to be Christmas time yet because I am enjoying the season we're in so much. In the same way, I don't wish that it was still summer. *I'm not wishing that Parker was a little younger or a little older--I love his age and I just wish I could freeze time. *I don't even wish that this little baby was here yet. I'm certainly looking forward to meeting the little one, but I'm really enjoying getting to know him/her right now. It is a special type of intimacy that mother's get to share with their unborn babies. I'm so thankful that I'm over the toughest part of pregnancy. Now I get to enjoy the wonderful, maternal feeling of carrying life while not carrying around a ton of weight. *I'm also excited again to be meeting new friends and cultivating relationships while just a few months ago, I didn't quite feel ready. *I'm really loving my home. I liked it before but now I feel like I can make it mine. I even took a picture of our garage and the leaves around it! I even love our garage:)

There are so many more things that I could list that I am feeling good about....and maybe I will later.

Here are a few pictures of the everyday life that I'm so happy about right now. Parker and I took another trip up north with MOM'S club for a hay ride, pumpkins, doughnuts, and apples. I think it was more fun for Parker than mom...it was so much work for me because I had to carry two children much of the time:) There is another picture of Parker at our park smiling because he was so proud of himself for going down the big slide. And the other picture is of our park that we live right by. We are so blessed to live in such a beautiful place.