What I need

I can't say that I've been easy to live with lately. However, here I'm content...and I want to remember this.

I'm working on my Beth Moore study, drinking my coffee, snuggled on my couch, and tuned into a perfect pandora station. This is what I love, what I need in order to function. And I haven't been doing it enough. But I think it is time for a change.

Big boy

Our griff learned to ride a two wheel bike today. I'm so proud of my middle hooligan :)

Another home

I am a total northwest girl and would be happy living in WA forever. But if I had to live in another state, it would be Colorado or Arizona. My love for the beautiful desert state has been well documented but today...I'm in love with Colorado!! The mountains, the weather, the culture, the air! I just love it. Feels like home.

A big part of my love for the state is the fact that we have dear friends that call CO home. And when I say "dear friends", I actually mean people who feel more like family than friends. Being here makes me miss them more.

This week we're on a vacation in Breckenridge, CO, courtesy of my sweet in-laws. And it is a real escape from real life because there are NO KIDS!! I kind of have no idea what to do with all my free time. So weird. Last night I stayed up until 2 a.m....which hasn't happened on purpose since college. I miss my kids. I don't even want to write another word about that because I'll  get sad. 

But we're having a great time together...all of Joel's siblings and their spouses plus parents= 12 adults on a much needed vacay! The beauty is breathtaking and the company even better. Love these crazies :)

Have you ever seen....

Anything more beautiful than this?

Sweet sweet

I barely ever talk about these two together. Totally different than H with G...but they are super sweet together too. I think h really looks up to park...wants to be big and do big kid things. When park takes time to snuggle with her, it is extra special.

real

I hope to never give the impression that I have a single ounce of my life "all together". In fact, I had to stop reading blogs too often because that part of this culture drives me batty.  So, I'm going to show you what my house looks like on a normal day...not especially messy and not just cleaned. Here you are:

Just a little exercise in keeping it real. :)

No!

Hollyn knows the word snow...but it sounds very much like NO!

First time trying to go out to play in the snow like the big kids:)

stomping grounds

My mom sent me these pictures as she was driving up north near my old stomping grounds. Funny thing about "home"...I can't help it, it still is home and I think it is the most beautiful area. I feel drawn to that area...to go up and breathe the good air and walk through the fields and woods. I miss it.

My sunshine!

Griffin is five and I just can't quite wrap my mind around it. I remember posting about my pregnancy on this blog- back when I used to be better at documenting life. Griff is something special. I think it takes a specific kind of person to really notice his sunshine instead of his crazy:) He just gets so darn excited when he's around people...he kind of turns into something resembling a quivering puppy. But Griffin is my sunshine when life seems dark. He keeps me laughing when I get too serious. His love for his little sister actually gives me such reassurance. I've never seen anything like it. As always, this boy has a huge piece of my heart and I can't even say how proud I am to be his mom. 

Look back at the day he was born!

a little dance from disneyland

Science

This what parker does during Christmas break: experiments. Vinegar, flour, baking soda, salt, apple juice, sugar. Nothing makes him happier than playing scientist or farkle these days.

He just told me he wants to be an archaeologist. I hope that doesn't mean he'll move far away from home. Never:)

we dance

I woke up knowing this was going to be a hard day. It was one of those times that I woke up tired... without even living yet. Ugh. Not good. Not possible with three young ones.

And apparently, Hollyn is feeling the same way. I know this because she is throwing everything she gets her hands on and hitting...oh, the hitting. I would be doing the same thing if no one was watching.

But we dance.

We have nightly dance parties here in our house. And I don't mean the hokey pokey or any other tame, preschool songs. Nope. We get down. I don't have the moves, believe me. But I don't care. Parker has some serious moves...I have no idea where he learns them. He says music class but I can't imagine that. I'm going to believe that they are from his soul;) Griffin is slightly robotic. Maybe a little stiff but he's coming along. Hollyn knows how to groove. She was born with it. Those hips don't lie. Have you ever seen Joel dance? Then you know...he's got it.

So about an hour ago I was done barking at the kids...feeling like I couldn't last another minute. I turned on some music I hoped would do the trick.

It did. Hollyn danced for four straight songs while Griffin ate lunch and I cheered her on. 

In this house, we dance. It brings things back into focus and we remember to have fun together. Why is that so easy to forget?

obsessed

I think I have an obsessive personality. I mean, when I'm into something...I usually just can't help myself. I am bursting to tell someone some of my current loves. And sadly, they're probably not surprising to anyone. I don't really keep my mouth shut.

Seriously. I'm pathetic. I feel so passionate about a cancelled tv show. I don't know if I'll ever be over it.

1. Friday Night Lights. I cried when the last episode aired. It wasn't necessarily a sad ending...I just was so connected to those characters. Obsessed. They are real to me. And happily, I'm reliving all 5 seasons right now. I started over at the very beginning. I'm on season one, episode 11. I would be further but I only allow myself to watch it while I'm on the treadmill. Which brings me to my next point:

2. Running. Now, I'm tempted to delete that word. I told myself I could never be a runner. But...really, that is lame. Of course I can. I'm healthy, youngish...and now that I bought a used treadmill off of craigslist, I don't have a single excuse. None. My goal is to become a runner and enjoy myself. And since I get to watch my favorite show while I'm exercising, I'm LOVING it. 

3. Leaves. We don't have a ton of leaves up here on the prairie...but that is okay. We have great views of the changing colors. I do love the colors, but what I'm really talking about is the Bath & Body Works scent: Leaves!! It says fall, home, cozy, crisp...everything good about the season.

4. Spotify  Do you use spotify? If you do, I don't have to explain the wonder of it all. If you don't, you just must be confused. It is FREE. You will likely never have to buy another CD or mp3 again. I love music. I am so thankful that we live in a time that we have access to so many good artists. 

This is just one that I found today that I LOVE. Yes, I start my Christmas music on November 1st. Sorry to all of you schrooges if that is offensive. Bummer for you;) Check out this brand-new Christmas album: A Very She & Him Christmas.  You know, Zooey Deschanel? You'll love it, too.

5. Parenthood . More TV. I really don't watch that much TV...just these two shows. But like I said, when I love something...I REALLY do. Sharing the same Executive Producer as FNL, Jason Katims, Parenthood is tied for first as my favorite. How could I choose? I love all of those Panthers and Bravermans. If you are in a family (and I think most people must be) or have any experience with relationships, you will relate with the characters on this show. Sometimes I wonder if my name is actually Amy Braverman. Sounds nice, doesn't it?

6. Joe Purdy station on Pandora. My fave right now.

7. The Sunshine. It might be a given...most people love the sun. But I feel like I need it. When the sun is out, life is a little bit better. And we've had the most beautiful, sunny fall. Can't get enough.

8. Trader Joe's. Our great town just got a Trader Joes!! It is a huge deal. It really is my favorite place to shop for food. And the prices!! So, after six years of living in a town with out a TJ's, finally the wait is over!! I feel giddy about it. 

I have so many more obsessions. Big and little and everything in between. I would like to share more later but for now, time to get going with real life!

Griff vs. The pumpkin

Griff and I got to go on a school field trip together...without any siblings!! For a middle child, this is a huge deal! I love spending time with my kids one on one.
It was the pumpkin patch this time and we had so much fun on the hay ride, in the maze, petting the animals, picking apples & pumpkins....and eating pumpkin doughnuts!
Thank you, Grandma Dee, for taking good care of Hollyn while we had a special date!!

And yes, I realize these pictures are not upright...but they're from my phone and it is as good as it will get:)

Awe-thum!!

Parker just lost is third tooth... but this is, by far, the most exciting and noticeable! I hope that his new tooth is huge because that gap is ginormous! He is thuper cute:)

ode to {summertime} joy

This is the week we say goodbye to summer...we are back to school. Oh, summer has been good. I think this has been my favorite summer with the kiddos yet! And the strange thing is that we actually did LESS than in past years. We stayed home so much more. I love being home...and I hope that our kids learn to love home just as much.

Summer has consisted of : swimming lessons. neighbor buddies. vbs. dirt forts. sports camp. slip n slide. bike rides. camping. grandparents. city pools. otter pops. cousins. pokemon. Indiana jones. silverwood. friends. bbqs. lake time. roommates. chronicles of narnia. river front park. our little plastic pool. sun kissed skin. bright white hair. bug collecting. baby dolls.

The good stuff of life.

So thankful our Creator gave us Summer!

1st grade - 1st day. Done.

one last hug goodbye

my big boy

griffin getting in on the action

our first

the whole family

he let me hold his hand:)

in front of the classroom

Our first grader is home from his long day! The day was a success and I'm excited to hear more...but trying not to be pushy. I can be pushy sometimes. I just want to know every. single. detail. Can you relate?

p.s. i will post a few pictures of griff's first day of pre-k soon!!
whoa. did I just say pre-k? holy smokes. 

letting go and losing it

2 year old Parker

I couldn't figure out why I've been such a space cadet. I mean, I often find myself in AmyLand...but this is even more than normal. I told Joel that I couldn't figure it out. An example of my spaciness: I left a full cart of groceries in the Safeway parking lot and didn't figure out that they were missing for close to an hour. Embarrassing. Ridiculous. What is UP?? I'm so distracted.

"Your boys are going back to school!"

There was no question in his voice at all...he knows me so well. He knows my heart and how I roll. Ten years of marriage will do that (yay for us!!). 

Of course. I have to let go again. This is our third year of starting school and each year I have to give up a little more control. First, pre-k...then kindergarten...and now 1st grade. This time it is all day. SIX hours. Lunch at school. Oh my gosh. 

I would love to write a smart post about the beauty of letting go and trusting God with our children. I could. But I would just be talking big. I'm just not there yet. I will be when I need to be, but I'm right in the middle of the process and I just don't have the right kind of words yet. But I can say that I can feel my grip loosening just a bit. Tomorrow will be a big day for me as I have to let go...and maybe just lose it for a while. And then maybe I'll have some pretty words. 

I just love them. I sometimes think that the more that I control, the better off they will be. With Parker, I started on day one and was the perfect pregnant lady. I can recall the TWO servings of dessert I ate during my pregnancy...and the handful of days that I DIDN'T work out. I read every book, did everything right. But I very quickly found that it wasn't going to work. Control just is futile. Parenting is a continual exercise of letting go. 

And this is just first grade! Geesh!

If I really lose it and leave my KIDS at the grocery store, I'll let you know;)

done

My thoughts on being "done" having children.

I am giving myself 5 minutes to write about this subject. Partly because it is complicated and I think I could just confuse myself if I write too long.

Since Hollyn was born, we've been asked numerous times if we are done having children. Totally valid question. But the question itself is kind of too much for me. Maybe it is the wrong question? I get it, though. I ask myself all the time. Here is my answer!

I've been waiting for the feeling to come...the one some people talk about. But I am not getting it! However, technically, we are DONE because my husband has that feeling and you know, it takes two to tango. I really don't want any more children but I also feel weird about closing that door permanently when I am still only 30.

I have told so many people that I have zero desire to be pregnant again. Zilch. My body is done. Three c-sections within five years and my body is just screaming for a break.

I have prayed for God to give my that magic feeling of "done-ness". Nope. You know what I'm getting instead? Not what you'd expect...but an even more intense feeling of pouring into the children I DO HAVE. And I mean intense. God's answers are so creative. Love that.

I don't really think we'll ever decide to have another child. Three feels good and honestly, I am at my limit. I don't think I have any more to give. The quality of my mothering would go down the tubes. My children deserve more of me than that. But here is the thing, I also don't think I'm ever going to feel the magic feeling of being done. I think it has something to do with faith. Something to do with trusting God in the now and trusting that He knows the future...but I don't. And I don't want to.

So my answer is this: We have three children and we're so happy with that number. We have zero plans to add to our family but I also don't have any magic feelings of completion. The end. :)

i need it

I've been trying to think of a good reason why I haven't written on here lately. And when I say "lately", I mean the last few years! I say it is a time thing, but lots of people are busy. We're all busy. But blogging is something I really love to do. Why don't I make time for it? I found my answer!

Tonight I am alone. Alone. Aaaaaahhh!!! The kids were in bed by about 7:30 and Joel is out spending some time with friends. It is quiet. I'm just picking up the tornado that ripped through the house. Drinking some good coffee. Some good tunes (mumford and sons via pandora!!) are quietly playing in the background. I'm really not doing anything important, but I can't tell you how much this kind of solitude just FEEDS my soul. The problem is that I am rarely alone. I'm an introvert and no matter how much I fight it, I am recharged by solitude. And the only time I have any motivation to write is when I have been recharged by this precious time alone. Which..pretty much happens once in a blue moon. And taking a shower does not count.

Seriously, I'm not complaining. I love my life. We have such rich and true relationships with friends and family. I couldn't ask for more. We're just in the thick of it and a dull moment never happens...and I'm finding that this introverted soul can suffer in this environment of constant everything.

I don't need a vacation...I just need solitude. I would pay the big bucks for more of this. I would even love a drive in my car alone once in a while. Not sure it will happen too often, but I'm just saying what this girl needs. Someday....;)