Parker=6!!!

Our firstborn is six today!

The way I feel about our firstborn is complicated. I love him more than I could ever express and I don't even want to try to describe how I feel about our first baby because it sounds strange when I say it out loud. Maybe I'll try.

I do not have a favorite child whatsoever. But I do have to say that there is something unique about your first child. I dreamed of him for years before he

was born...he was the fulfillment of so many dreams. He was and is the test-drive kid for the rest of them. He had every ounce of our attention for a while...and

still does sometimes. I feel like I've invested so much time and effort into this kid. He taught me how to be a mom and paved a smoother way for his siblings. For me, this picture says everything I can't seem to express with words:

I've posted this picture numerous times on here. For the life of me, I can't seem to find anything attractive about this photo of me. Nothing. However, this moment just says it all....it was when I heard...

ITS A BOY!! YOU'RE A MOM!

for the very first time. That was my reaction.

And he has turned into such a sweet, polite, sensitive, inquisitive, and smart boy. So many adults tell me how much they love Parker and his sweet spirit. Me too.

However. Ahem. ;) As much as I adore Parker...he drives me absolutely crazy most days! I feel so connected to Parker, like he is a part of me. I feel like we're made of the same stuff. I get him. And this can be a good thing at times. There is a portion of his brain that is literally a carbon copy of mine. He knows exactly what to say and do to make me think I've gone mad. He outsmarts me all of the time. We can totally clash because we know how to get into each other's heads. Bad, bad, bad!!

Really, as I was preparing for his birthday yesterday, I was screaming horrible words in my head about how someone turned him into something evil! I was feeling dramatic. He brings out the worst in me.

But he also brings out the very best. Parker has been used to refine this heart of mine in some painful and beautiful ways. I'm right in the thick of child-rearing insanity and I can already see that he is and will continue to be a blessing.

I love you Parker David! With all of my crazy heart.